NOW
We (adoptive parents or those who know adoptive parents) have been asked to blog on April 15 about successful adoptions. "We are the truth" is meant to show that one unsuccessful adoption (the Adoptive mother from Tennessee) is not representative of the face of adoption in the United States.
I already stated my feelings and opinions on that incident earlier this week. This post is suppose to be about our "successful" adoption and in all honesty I can say that so far it has been successful. Has it been a fairy tale with a happily ever after, we don't know yet because we are only in chapter 1 since we have only been a family for 9 months, but so far so good. Does that mean everything has been a bed of roses, no it doesn't. It has pretty much been the way our home study and placing agencies told us it could be in our training, the way our personal research told us it could be, the way the books we read told us it could be and the way other adoptive families have shared it has been for them. At times it can be very difficult, especially in the beginning, but most of the time it is pure joy. It is hard work incorporating an adopted child who has lived in an institutional setting and had a hard, sometimes severely traumatic start in life. With God's help and prayer we make it through on the bad days and rejoice with thanksgiving in the good days. As I said, we are fortunate that the days of rejoicing out number the bad days and we give God thanks for giving us this child to love and nurture so that he to may be a happy, joyful, loving, caring, giving, productive member of this world.
We are currently in the process of doing our first post placement report for our 4 yr old (3 1/2 when he came home) son from Kazakhstan. I was reading over some of the notes I wrote a few months after we were home. One of the questions is how does your child express or deal with frustration? The first few weeks the answer was hitting, kicking, spitting, screaming and major crying fits. In my initial draft of the report 6 months later I noted it had changed to pouting, crying, throwing things and yelling. Needless to say his language skills have improved and his ways of dealing with frustration or not getting his way have subsided to what are pretty typical 3-4 yr old reactions.
Yes, so far, we are among the lucky ones who's adopted child appears to be adjusting and attaching the way you hope they do. He is active, healthy thus far (all though I think we bought the dentist some new toys since we've been home), soaking up new things like a sponge, on target with fine and gross motor function, catching up in language but at a slower pace and most importantly thriving and happy.
We continue to monitor his physical, developmental and psychological well being closely and keep our eyes and ears open for any signs that a problem may be arising. If we stay on top of it and seek out resources then hopefully we can intervene before things escalate to a point that we can't help or cope. There are no guarentees any child will come without problems, whether they be biological or adopted domestically or internationally.
We have been very fortunate to be surround by a wonderful network of resources in our area. Our son has caring teachers and staff at his school that have taken a sincere interest in him and his adjustment to his new life. We also are very fortunate to have supportive, loving extended family,friends and co-workers.
Yes, there are lots of adoptive families who have not been as fortunate as us. I have read many blogs and stories on the message boards about how families have worked through their difficulties, some with success and some that have had to disrupt and do replacement for their adoptive child/ren. But I have read far more success stories. And it has made no difference whether it was an international adoption or a domestic adoption. The bottomline is that most adoptive parents want to do what is in the best interest for these children and their families no matter how hard, how expensive or how heart breaking the end result may be.
In closing I want to share a link to a blog post that I feel does I nice job of summarizing the situation involving the boy sent back to Russia.
http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/adoption-domestic-adoption-international-adoption-embryo-adoption-foster-care-adoption/damaged-good-return-receipt-requested/
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