No, not while Betty is here!

It is hard to believe but we had our first post placement report visit today. They are due annually on the anniversary of our court decree. Since it needs to be notarized, apostilled, translated and mailed to Kazakhstan for arrival by June 24th we figured we better get started.

We are using Bethany Christian Services for our post-placement reports as our original HS agency closed their office in Maryland. We have been corresponding with Betty since last June. It was nice to finally meet her in person. She is a very nice, warm hearted, friendly, observant and caring social worker. I was amazed at what she picked up on in the short time (~1 hr)and minimal interaction we had today. I am also amazed had how much we covered in that short time. I personnally felt very at ease and in good hands.

Needless to say, Mr. Lukas gave her lots of opportunities to see us interact, correct, re-direct, shake our heads, etc. It started off with his saying hello and giving her a hug. Then came the showing off and being silly/bashful. "Is he always this shy?" asks Betty. "Only when he first meets someone." She then asked him to show her his room and around upstairs. While talking to him he proceeds to pull a bunch of books of the bookshelf and other items off the top shelf. I am assuming he was looking for something. "Does he do this alot?" asks Betty. "You mean throw things on the floor? Yes." Opportunity: Show her how we get Lukas to help clean up his mess he just made.

On to the basement to see his toys. Lukas showed her all his toys, he made it a special point to show her his train table. So mama and papa sit and chat with Betty while Lukas is kind enough to entertain himself. We discuss parenting issues, pros and cons of having an adoptive child, Lukas' development, interests, issues, etc. Lukas is on his Smartcycle and it is not doing what he wants, expresses his frustration loudly and proceeds to kick at the tv. Opportunity: Mama demonstrates how we redirect and review the steps necessary to get it to work the way it is suppose to.

Continue talking and Lukas drives over on his excuvator and proceeds to dump uneaten dog food (dry and wet) on the floor. Glad to see that he is finally able to work the controls correctly, but did you have to do it now! Gentle correction, clean it up. Comes back with a second scoop full, mama gets dog bowl and this time we dump it back in the bowl (good grief). We continue chatting and Lukas comes over all smiles and opens his mouth to show mama that he has not decided to eat the dog food himself. Opportunity: Show how we stay calm and move the bowl out of reach.

Our time has come to a close and we head upstairs to see Betty out the door. Lukas decides he is going to get something from the pantry and in the process does one of his limp noodle routines. Opportunity: Demonstrate how we deal with the limp noodle routine and learn from Betty how to hopefully bring it to an end.

Lukas, being the gentleman that he is, opens her car door for her, asks a bizzilion questions, closes the door, waves good bye and blows her a kiss.

One of my favorite questions was when she asked Lukas what sound a horse makes. His answer, hee haw. I guess our horses are more like donkeys! Her overall assessment is that Lukas is adjusting well, we are doing the right things, he is so smart his mouth can't keep up with his mind (she claims that is why he talks so fast), and he appears to be a melancholy personality. Translation, his behavior is directed alot by his emotional state (Drama King in the making?!). Nothing bad, he just appears to be more in tune with his artistic side than his analytical side currently. Suggestion: for our sanity it has been suggested we learn how to identify which emotion is at play, address it and help him re-direct his response appropriately.

Papa went to work and Mama and Lukas spent the rest of the day playing. He was my little assistant at the nursery picking out plants and helping me get them to the car. The ladies were quite impressed at him pulling the big wagon around for me and attempting to lift the heavy plants into the car. ;) He enjoyed helping me pot the plants when we got back home as well.

The Greatest Show on Earth-Ringling Bros. Circus

This time last year we were on day 2 of bonding with Lukas. I much preferred what we did together today. THE CIRCUS!! There is nothing like watching a little child see their first circus. I think we enjoyed watching his reactions as much as watching the "Greatest Show on Earth."

I don't think I have to tell you that Lukas had a great time at the Circus today. Considering it was during naptime he did very well. He was so excited we couldn't get him to eat his lunch. He was very good walking by all the vendors as we made our way to our seats. He asked but kept moving when we said after the show. He finally broke us down during intermission. Doesn't help when the vendors are right in your face non-stop. Lukas of course chose the light up sabre. We had to keep reminding him to be careful not to wack anyone around us with it. His enjoyed the animal acts the most and the clowns came in second. Here is a glimpse of our afternoon in photos.

Waiting for it to start


I didn't know they opened the Circus with the Star Spangled Banner.


Helping the "Zing" master levitate people



The highwire act was right in front of us. We were in the 4th row from the floor.





If you look closely at the ring of fire you will see an acrobat was flying through it.





This is where the sabre comes in...






Lukas' favorite. He kept asking about them ever since the opening act. They made the elephants lay down and take a nap.








I have mixed feelings about the tiger act. It was the only time I felt the animals in the act felt forced to perform.






As we headed home Lukas finally ate something and was playing with his sabre. After about 4 blocks of city traffic it I noticed he was very quiet. This is what I saw when I looked in the mirror. The stickers are the art work he did on the way to church this morning. And no, I did not take this photo while I was driving, I waited until we pulled in the garage at home.

First time ever I saw your face...

It was exactly one year ago today that we first set eyes on each other. In some ways it is as clear as yesterday and in other ways it seems like an eternity ago. The picture below is from that first visit. We had only arrived earlier that morning after traveling for almost 2 days. We were allowed to settle in for a while and then it was off to the baby house. When they first brought him into the office he went straight to our coordinator Janette. He wouldn't even look at us. They directed him towards us and he came quietly and looking down at the floor the entire time. I finally got him to look at me by giving him a little bear we brought. He still has that bear on his nightstand. They brought another little boy in and after what seemed only seconds asked if we were interested in spending time with either child. We said yes to Anton and they took us to the music room we would come to spend lots of time in over the next month.


He looks so sad and withdrawn in this picture when I look at it today. Notice the toy phone in his hand. He wouldn't let go of it that first day. He just kept pushing the buttons and answering it when it would ring. Never talked in it just listened and smiled. Ironically, this morning he brought some books and toys into our bed. I didn't realize what all he had brought until I put him down for his nap this afternoon. The first thing he did when we layed down was pick up that very same toy phone and play with it (Yes we still have it, I made sure to bring it home after the first trip so he would have something familiar to play with on each trip and when he got home). This time, when the phone said "Can you come out and play?", Lukas responded back, "go outside to play?". He pushed another button that says,"I love you so much!" and repeated it back with a smile on his face as he looked at me. Oh how far we have come in one short year and 8 1/2 short months home.

We spent the morning at the Jump Zone for a classmates birthday. We made the mistake of letting Lukas stay up a little later last night and he woke up early. It made for a very cranky little boy that would start crying at the least little thing. At least the tears were usually short lived since he was easily distracted by all the activities and other children. The afternoon was spent getting into things he shouldn't when mommy and daddy weren't looking and playing outside. I thought my arm was going to fall off after pushing him on the swing for over an hour! But the joy on his face and the thrill he gets from it make it more than worth while. Then we played and interesting version of Lukas still "hide and seek". It is a mix of hide and seek and peek a boo. He is into hiding these days. I would cover my eyes and he would hide (usually not very well, but being a good mommy I would pretend not to be able to find him)after searching for him I would say," Lukas, come out, come out wherever you are" and he would pop out, shout,"Peek a boo", and come running over with a big grin and give me a big hug. I would respond back with a kiss and "I love you." We played this for quite some time. He then wanted me to hide, of course he also wanted to tell me where to hide. Some one likes to peek between his hands when I hide as well. He is just to cute sometimes.

So in one year we have gone from the quiet, withdrawn, unsure little boy to this...



Truely an amazing transformation in such a short time. Tomorrow we will go to the Circus to celebrate.

Trip down memory lane

It was on this day last year that Wayne and I headed to Dulles Airport to board a Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt on the first part of our journey to Lukas. We had no real idea or clue of what was awaiting us on the other end. Bear with me over the next few weeks as I stroll down memory lane during the 1st anniversary of our meeting for the first time and becoming a family.

It is hard to believe that a year has already gone by. It seemed to take FOREVER just to get to the point where we were actually going to travel to FINALLY meet our little boy we had waited so long for. All we had was a photo, a name and birthdate of a possible match to cling to as we blindly traveled half way around the world to see, hopefully this child, and other children they had selected for us to meet.

My how things had changed from where we began this journey. Our initial plan was to adopt 1-2 children, preferably a girl, from infant to 2 yrs of age from Guatemala. As they say, things change rapidly in the adoption world. We were warned away from Gautemala and they closed shortly after we signed our application with our home study agency. We started looking into Vietnam because we figured most people were headed to China. Then China changed their requirements and things slowed way down so we abandoned Vietnam figuring that was where everyone else would be headed. They also closed down during our process. So we end up with Kazakhstan on a whim. God really knows how to get you where he wants you if you aren't listening close enough. We then decided to increase our chances of traveling sooner by changing our preference to include both genders and broaden our age range to 5 with the hope of staying at 3 and under.

Where did we end up, with a precious little boy age 3 1/2 from Kazakhstan. So go the many twists and turns of the road to a family through adoption!

We are the truth: A campaign and call to action

THEN



NOW


We (adoptive parents or those who know adoptive parents) have been asked to blog on April 15 about successful adoptions. "We are the truth" is meant to show that one unsuccessful adoption (the Adoptive mother from Tennessee) is not representative of the face of adoption in the United States.

I already stated my feelings and opinions on that incident earlier this week. This post is suppose to be about our "successful" adoption and in all honesty I can say that so far it has been successful. Has it been a fairy tale with a happily ever after, we don't know yet because we are only in chapter 1 since we have only been a family for 9 months, but so far so good. Does that mean everything has been a bed of roses, no it doesn't. It has pretty much been the way our home study and placing agencies told us it could be in our training, the way our personal research told us it could be, the way the books we read told us it could be and the way other adoptive families have shared it has been for them. At times it can be very difficult, especially in the beginning, but most of the time it is pure joy. It is hard work incorporating an adopted child who has lived in an institutional setting and had a hard, sometimes severely traumatic start in life. With God's help and prayer we make it through on the bad days and rejoice with thanksgiving in the good days. As I said, we are fortunate that the days of rejoicing out number the bad days and we give God thanks for giving us this child to love and nurture so that he to may be a happy, joyful, loving, caring, giving, productive member of this world.

We are currently in the process of doing our first post placement report for our 4 yr old (3 1/2 when he came home) son from Kazakhstan. I was reading over some of the notes I wrote a few months after we were home. One of the questions is how does your child express or deal with frustration? The first few weeks the answer was hitting, kicking, spitting, screaming and major crying fits. In my initial draft of the report 6 months later I noted it had changed to pouting, crying, throwing things and yelling. Needless to say his language skills have improved and his ways of dealing with frustration or not getting his way have subsided to what are pretty typical 3-4 yr old reactions.

Yes, so far, we are among the lucky ones who's adopted child appears to be adjusting and attaching the way you hope they do. He is active, healthy thus far (all though I think we bought the dentist some new toys since we've been home), soaking up new things like a sponge, on target with fine and gross motor function, catching up in language but at a slower pace and most importantly thriving and happy.

We continue to monitor his physical, developmental and psychological well being closely and keep our eyes and ears open for any signs that a problem may be arising. If we stay on top of it and seek out resources then hopefully we can intervene before things escalate to a point that we can't help or cope. There are no guarentees any child will come without problems, whether they be biological or adopted domestically or internationally.

We have been very fortunate to be surround by a wonderful network of resources in our area. Our son has caring teachers and staff at his school that have taken a sincere interest in him and his adjustment to his new life. We also are very fortunate to have supportive, loving extended family,friends and co-workers.

Yes, there are lots of adoptive families who have not been as fortunate as us. I have read many blogs and stories on the message boards about how families have worked through their difficulties, some with success and some that have had to disrupt and do replacement for their adoptive child/ren. But I have read far more success stories. And it has made no difference whether it was an international adoption or a domestic adoption. The bottomline is that most adoptive parents want to do what is in the best interest for these children and their families no matter how hard, how expensive or how heart breaking the end result may be.

In closing I want to share a link to a blog post that I feel does I nice job of summarizing the situation involving the boy sent back to Russia.

http://www.creatingafamily.org/blog/adoption-domestic-adoption-international-adoption-embryo-adoption-foster-care-adoption/damaged-good-return-receipt-requested/

This time last year....

It is hard to believe that this time last year we were in the final stages of preparing for our first trip to Taraz. So much has happened in the adoption world since then.

I hear of changes that have been made and I am glad we are done and have our precious little boy at home. I know the US government agencies say they have made changes to streamline some of the process, but from what I have been reading on the message boards I'm not so sure they have succeeded.

Then there are all the stories in the press the last few months. I personnally don't know the circumstances or details of these different families but have to believe, especially in the latest case, that there had to be a better way of handling things. I do know that we were well educated on RAD, FAS, Instutionalized child development and lists and lists of resources if we had/have problems by our home study agencies and our placement agency. So far we have been fortunate to be one of the lucky ones who have had managable problems. I have read some of the other stories of those who have not been as fortunate. I can only imagine what it must be like, but I give great credit to those families who have worked through these issues or found compassionate ways of dealing with disrupted adoptions.

I believe for the most part that the good, legitimate agencies all tell and prepare their clients for the pros and cons of IA adoption. I think some parents are so desperate to have a family that they put on rose colored glasses and forget all the warnings. Even in the best of cases there is an adjustment period and it can last months or years depending on the childs age and background. I have always believed you prepare for the worst case and rejoice if you are blessed enough not to have to use most of what you prepared for. If we choose to deny that the worst could happen to us then we will not be prepared if and when it does.

I know we personally whined about the mandatory 14 day bonding period in the Kaz program but in hind sight the Kaz government probalby has it right. We ended up spending just under 4 weeks with Lukas on the first trip. From personal experience and reading about others it usually takes the first 7 days just to crack the shell. It is during the second week on that they start to come out of the shell and the real child "begins" to emerge. We thought we knew what kind of child we were going to be bringing home after that first month. We then got to spend 10 days in Kazakhstan with Lukas in our custody. Yes, he was still pretty much the child we expected to be bringing home, but, having him 24/7 for 10 days also brought to light some things we were going to seriously have to work on that we hadn't experienced or seen during the bonding period.

Kaz also requires that you come to Kazakhstan and meet the children in person before deciding if you wish to proceed with adopting them. I know other programs send referrals ahead of time and PAPs decide based on photos, reports and videos before travel if they wish to adopt a particular child and then spend limited time with them in country before everything is final. Evidently, that is not the best way to do things. I now see the wisdom behind the Kazakhstan Ministries/Dept of Education program requirements. It is costly (financially and emotionally) to go to Kaz and come home empty handed on the first trip, having seen many children but knowing in your heart and mind that they just aren't the right child/ren for your family. Luckily for us that was not the case. However, usually, when you do find that child, you can be pretty confident in your match for the long haul.

I also believe having the child evaluated thoroughly after arriving back in the USA is important. Our son was seen by his Pediatrician within 3 weeks of coming home. She spoke to us at length regarding any issues or concerns we had so far. Then at 6 weeks he was evaluated at the International Adoption clinic. The IA doctor did a very thorough evaluation and again asked about questions, concerns and talked to us about how to handle things and help him adjust to life in US and with a new language. At 4 months we had him seen by the county's free evaluation service through the public school system and again at the IA clinic at 6 months for follow-up. If we had concerns that a behaviour was a warning sign of attachment issues we discussed it with them so we could seek treatment if needed. So, I find it hard to understand how a child who has been here for only 6 months could have so many issues that went undetected until it was to the point the family felt the need to send him back alone to his birth country.

I pray this day for all those waiting PAPs and those in process that are being effected by recent events. I pray for those caring for children suffering from severe attachment and other issues, those who have had to disrupt their adoptions through no fault of their own and I pray for those children in the orphanages, babyhouses and boarding schools that are waiting for families and especially those who never will have families of their own. They are the ones who truely suffer when we adults and our respective governments lose sight of what truly matters, giving the children of the world the best care and love possible.

I believe every AP has a responsibility to remember that their actions can and will effect those who follow behind in the adoption process. Yes, we need to put our families needs and safety first, but, we should never forget about all those children still waiting.

Neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt and bike parade

The neighborhood held their annual Easter Egg hunt on Saturday. For a new twist they started with a bike parade in which the kids decorated their bikes, trikes and wagons and paraded down the street to the egg hunt.

He's looking a little to serious here...


Ah, there's that impish smile!


And he's off...





A hug from grandma Janet when he finished


Sharing his treats with grandma

More Easter Highlights

I finally got around to downloading the photos Wayne took of Lukas hunting easter eggs and finding his easter basket.





Lukas loves marshmallows so eating his first peep was a real joy...


The easter bunny brings toys too.....



Ok, so at least one of us got a good picture of Lukas on Easter


Wow, look what Memaw gave me...



And Aunt Cheryl...


Stylin' in papa's old hat...